MY HANGOVER OF FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU

Warning: Abusive Content

At the outset, a word of thanks to Marshall Bruce Mathers III for making this article possible. If it was not for you I would have still been struggling half way through.

Do you* know what I am?

Do you know what I was?

Every single minute through the years it has been always about you. I still do not realise that I am crying, with tears in my eyes. How do I make my mind understand that the pain felt by the heart is so unreal because you never happened to me? Do you know how to do so? If so please tell me because it hurts more than dying.

Every time I go to bed, I wish not to wake up tomorrow but the very hope of ‘It-will-all-Change’ makes me do so. Every day, every fucking day the time gap between lying down and sleeping widens with the repercussion of you.

You successfully have been the element in me becoming an Insomniac, a ‘whole-time’ drunkard and an asshole with brains.

Now, I am left here with nothing but to reminisce of how I was before the fucking cupid struck me. Everything, that has happened, has a reason.

Fuck. Now, why the fuck am I reminiscing the old memories? Who I am now is because of who you were then. I was a fucking psycho to fall in love with a psycho like you. Damn, I need another peg before progressing any further.

Why the fuck was I being me when I could have been the better me? I hated it, wanted to get over with it. But the only solace I ever could find, was finding it in your face. I never could discover what was happening to me but I liked the feeling before I never knew what you wanted me to know, but after I knew what you wanted me to know, I started despising the feeling. Why was this happening to me? What did I ever do to deserve this? I just wanted you. I so wanted you that I was forgetting who I was, who I am and who I will be. I was totally into you. I did not want this to happen but in the end options just zeroed to me suffering the pain. I never wanted it, the pain. But I still deserve it; deserve it because of loving you so much. Just remember one thing I’ll never be the same if we ever meet again. And I promise to never go back on that promise.

However, this sense of feel will trudge away with one sly smile from you. That is all you need to win over me. I never can hold back my love for you.

I just have one wish, just one fucking wish. I want you to step into my shoes just to see what it’s like to be me and I’ll be you, to feel your pain and you feel mine. Go inside each other’s minds, just to see what we would find. However I will never remember you because I can never forget you. There never was a single day I hadn’t stopped thinking of you.

*Refers to that one female who acted as a catalyst to build my love and with the same intensity crushed it.

P.S. She is that kind of a female who will make gay men straight and straight women gay.

Love and Peace always.

Fuck, the bottle is empty now!

Reverence For Feminism

“Girls. You never know what they're going to think.”

- J. D. Salinger The Catcher in the Rye

I have tried my level best to avoid the line of controversy with the female sex the reason being me traversing a very susceptible matter in this article!

“Girls. You never know what they're going to think.”, as spoken by Holden Caulfield in J. D. Salinger’s ‘The Catcher in the Rye’ is perhaps the truest of all the statements made about girls. In my experience, Feminism is generally not a concept understood by the Males. They have this elevated atmosphere around them which they carry out with quite an ease. This makes us, the Male Sex to arrive at multifarious conclusions to whatever they say. Now let us just be clear on this, Ask for what you want. Connotations just don’t work, just say it. But saying it more than once is nagging. We are NOT mind readers….. It's no secret, everybody knows!

Females enjoy emotional blackmailing. This is the reason why a lot of females don’t go for 'macho' men anymore – you expect us not to have feelings. That is really very pathetic. Females also enjoy shopping with a man, but taking a man shopping is counterproductive. He is miserable and misery loves company.

Females. In spite of so many deprivations which makes it hard to live with them and yet even harder to live without them. I would never presume to speak for every man out there but I believe that in general, most men feel very good about females. Females are by no means the second sex. They are in fact the dominant sex in our world. There is this saying by the author Camille Paglia that “A Woman simply is, but a Man must become.” Maybe it is this compulsion for Males to become; consciousness of a battle fought and won that makes me pay Reverence for Feminism!

Then And Now, Now Or Never!

August of 2010

Five years back I was nothing….nothing at all. Back then, I used to be fancied by many things and those ‘many things’ constituted everything from innate to extrinsic.

Here are a few of reminiscences of a guy who once was I but now hardly an acquaintance.

When He* noticed a guy riding a Bullet, He used to gape at him until the guy turns around the corner.

When his friend came running up to him and whispered to him in a hushed tone, “Buddy I started smoking”. He used to stare at him with awe and reply, “Dai kalakrae po”.

When his friends used to call each other’s ‘Machas and Machis’, He used to ask them, “Does any of you guys know the real meaning of ‘Macha’?” for which He was mocked at.

When He got to know few of his high school friends were consuming alcohol, He used to say, “Dude that is cool!”

When He used to hear rumours of his close friends getting into a relationship, He used to pester them until they acknowledge the same. His immediate next question to them would be, “Will you marry her?” and his friend who used to be ‘Once-upon-a-time-Dumb’ fellow would reply blushing, “Hell Yes”.

Everyone around him was getting established to act like a real man, while he still was there. Trying to resist the change, but in vain. Subsequently He too surrendered.

*He is not I anymore, I’m the new me!

But years after living that kind of life, I have realised everything that has happened gets you nowhere. I have exploited almost everything but with the gender, I am not yet ready to sail in unsure waters. ‘Exploitation’, if you want to know the redefined meaning ask me. You will be enlightened on the same.

When I think about those days, I have always wanted that me back because this me is deteriorated, a spoilt bad guy impersonated by a sophisticated good guy. People I tell you unless you haven’t walked in my shoes, you wouldn’t know how much of a disturbed person I am. I hate to admit this. But eventually I have learnt one thing out of everything that has happened so far, you need to play your cards right else you might be in for some trouble. So, do not try to work out the system instead let it work you out, because if you know what is going to happen next then you are not going to learn anything.

Time has helped me to discover this thing about me, more likely within me. There are two personalities in me, the one who doesn’t know I am me and the other, who doesn’t know the one who doesn’t know I am me , who knows I am me.

Absolve me if you cannot apprehend the above article but I don’t give a hoot about what you think.

Inescapably, I am me!

Love Isn’t Everything. - False

"Love is not Love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;”

- An Excerpt From Sonnet 116 by William Shakespeare

Mention the word “Love” and it sets off Sparks everywhere. Heads bow gently, the heart drops its pride, eyes close and arms open a little. Love is the fire everyone Loves to get burnt with. Love is the quivering spring in every winter’s heart.

You don’t get it when you need it most but you often end up paying heavily for it. Experience teaches that Love is the most burning and perishable of all human passions. But certainly it is also the most human of all feelings with all the limitations and exaltations the word evokes. In Love, even the tiniest things count and nothing if forgotten and forgiven.

There is no better exercise to the heart than reaching down and reaching out for someone. But Love too has its own obstacles, ‘Self-Love’ causing a gamut of problems, our own ego and our self-regard. Love is just a choice. Love is a well from which we can drink only as much as we have put in. LOVE has always been about intention and action. That is why it is said that the opposite of Love is not hate but indifference, our apathy to act, our coldness in commitment. Those who do not choose to act in Love, who denies Love to others out of fear or loss, it is their lives which are barren and empty. Only they are the losers.

The strings of Love are like the strings of violin. Once you have learned how to play, then you must play with your heart. It then requires no map or chart. Love is not what you live for. Love is what makes it a little easier.

Love isn’t everything is as true as humans not having a heart. Love exists where there is Heart. So people go get some Love, it is not that difficult, Love only needs an Open Heart!

The Case Of The Life, The Strife And The Oh, No!

Life perhaps has the most sarcastic kind of character. So far I haven’t regretted about anything at large, but just missed few things here and there, but still everything falls in place as the time passes by. Life is just the expectations of the unexpected. It sure does offer you many opportunities; you must be seriously a fucking dumb person (maybe a retard!) to avoid it! Anyway it is not up to you to choose those opportunities, it is just that you have already been awarded with those opportunities. For someone who really wants to succeed, he will just believe in himself. Few say Life is short, so you got to make the most of now. Few say Life is long, so you got time to live Life to the fullest. But I just want say, shut the fuck up and accept Life as it comes by! You need not make any choices, the choices have already been made. So, just accept the punishment for the mistake already committed. Life is never about age, it is neither enjoy-your-ice-cream-before-it-melts nor wine-which-gets-better-with-age. It is always a complexity, always been one. You always presume to have understood everything but eventually everything is fucked up for Real, it does show up in the end, the real side of Life. The ways of understanding Life by women may differ from those of men, but in the end they both end up “confused”. You cannot regret the decision you made during the course of your Life because you can do nothing about it. Happened has happened. Life is just about the gamut of dramatic emotions from grief to joy. It gives you many reasons to be happy, to be sad, to live, to die. But the reason is yours to justify what has been offered to you. Just do it without any regrets. Now Worrying was Yesterday, Expectations will be Tomorrow but Happiness is TODAY! Now I’m not the one who should be talking about how to live Life, but just fuck it। This is just my say, my view, my opinion. If you agree with me then ‘Phir Milenge Chalte Chalte’। If not words can’t describe how little I give a damn!