Warning: Abusive Content
At the outset, a word of thanks to Marshall Bruce Mathers III for making this article possible. If it was not for you I would have still been struggling half way through.
Do you* know what I am?
Do you know what I was?
Every single minute through the years it has been always about you. I still do not realise that I am crying, with tears in my eyes. How do I make my mind understand that the pain felt by the heart is so unreal because you never happened to me? Do you know how to do so? If so please tell me because it hurts more than dying.
Every time I go to bed, I wish not to wake up tomorrow but the very hope of ‘It-will-all-Change’ makes me do so. Every day, every fucking day the time gap between lying down and sleeping widens with the repercussion of you.
You successfully have been the element in me becoming an Insomniac, a ‘whole-time’ drunkard and an asshole with brains.
Now, I am left here with nothing but to reminisce of how I was before the fucking cupid struck me. Everything, that has happened, has a reason.
Fuck. Now, why the fuck am I reminiscing the old memories? Who I am now is because of who you were then. I was a fucking psycho to fall in love with a psycho like you. Damn, I need another peg before progressing any further.
Why the fuck was I being me when I could have been the better me? I hated it, wanted to get over with it. But the only solace I ever could find, was finding it in your face. I never could discover what was happening to me but I liked the feeling before I never knew what you wanted me to know, but after I knew what you wanted me to know, I started despising the feeling. Why was this happening to me? What did I ever do to deserve this? I just wanted you. I so wanted you that I was forgetting who I was, who I am and who I will be. I was totally into you. I did not want this to happen but in the end options just zeroed to me suffering the pain. I never wanted it, the pain. But I still deserve it; deserve it because of loving you so much. Just remember one thing I’ll never be the same if we ever meet again. And I promise to never go back on that promise.
However, this sense of feel will trudge away with one sly smile from you. That is all you need to win over me. I never can hold back my love for you.
I just have one wish, just one fucking wish. I want you to step into my shoes just to see what it’s like to be me and I’ll be you, to feel your pain and you feel mine. Go inside each other’s minds, just to see what we would find. However I will never remember you because I can never forget you. There never was a single day I hadn’t stopped thinking of you.
*Refers to that one female who acted as a catalyst to build my love and with the same intensity crushed it.
P.S. She is that kind of a female who will make gay men straight and straight women gay.
Love and Peace always.
Fuck, the bottle is empty now!
